You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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