I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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