i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Vodka?
Forever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize