sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
