I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize