He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
