Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
