the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My friends, they love my intelligence
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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