No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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