There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize