Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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