Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
