all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize