So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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