no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My vagina just recognized that song.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
