I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There r osticjed everywhere
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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