Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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