Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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