Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So apparently I’m into choking now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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