i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize