My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
