i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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