If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
