fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
