Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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