i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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