Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
