Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
