I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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