i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize