So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
