God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
