I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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