I just pynch a tree in the face
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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