At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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