We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
