youre lurking in front of me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
