they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
