We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
