so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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