We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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