big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
