Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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