I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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