He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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