I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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