You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
