Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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