You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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