So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
