...so i touched it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
