Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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