Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize