When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
