u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
