bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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