plz talk dirty to me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
