absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize