Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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