He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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