Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
