Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
