I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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