I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
