I think im going to throw up on grandma
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
