just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
