when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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