apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
