dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize