I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
