The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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