Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The uberlube is also flammable
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
