dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
