Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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