I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize