cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
