It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my being single is dangerous.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
