ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
