Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
