I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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