Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
