just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
