I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it glows. i had to have it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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