i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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