i may or may not be watching the land before time
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
