last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
