On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
