Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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