btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
