This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
