I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I accidentally burped into my bong.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
