Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
