You made me cry and you don't even care
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
