I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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