She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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