You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize