I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
